


Everybody's Got a Name

by shermanerm



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cheating, Cooking Blogger Taako, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Internet Celebrities, Multi, POV Multiple, Pop Culture, Youtuber AU, fuck sazed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-05-07
Packaged: 2019-04-13 19:30:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14119323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shermanerm/pseuds/shermanerm
Summary: Sizzle It Up was one of the most popular cooking channels on Youtube, for good reason. Taako's got a star power that can't be beat, but some people would sure like to try.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the literal au that no one asked for, but. I made it anyway  
> Thanks to Stonestars and FaiaHae for the beta! Yall put up with so much, lmao

Taako stared at his boyfriend in shock. “You’re… breaking up with me?”

Sazed rubbed the back of his head, obviously uncomfortable with the emotion in Taako’s voice. “Uh, yeah.”

Taako made a soft noise, bringing a hand up to his face. After a moment, he started outright chuckling. “ _ You’re _ breaking up with  _ me?! _ ” He kept laughing, his voice gaining a manic tinge. “You’ve royally fucked me over, and  _ you’re breaking up with me! _ ” He was cackling at this point, long loud bursts of laughter that wracked his body.

“Babe?” A strange voice mumbled from the doorway of Taako’s bedroom. All of a sudden, Taako stopped laughing, face frozen in a tableau of shock. Sazed’s eyes were wide and fearful. “Babe, what’s going on?”

Taako slowly looked around Sazed to see the door, catching sight of a red-haired woman leaning on the door jamb, wearing a shirt of his and nothing else.

Slowly, Taako again locked eyes with Sazed. “Get the fuck out of my apartment.” Sazed didn’t move, obviously not prepared to have this conversation now. “ GO .”

Sazed looked at Taako, hesitating for a moment, before moving for the door. The ginger, now wearing her own goddamn clothes, headed for the door as well, locking eyes with Taako for a second, and grinning maliciously.

Taako stood completely still, waiting to hear the door close. As soon as the door clicked shut, a sob escaped Taako, his hand clapping immediately over his mouth. His other hand grasped the edge of the counter for support, and Taako blinked back hot, stinging tears. He would not cry over a fucking boy, especially not Sazed.

After a moment of steadying himself, Taako reached for his phone. He had a few goddamn calls to make.

* * *

 

“He did what?” Magnus’s voice was simultaneously calming and harsh to Taako’s ears. Taako pulled the phone away from his ear slightly, knowing that wouldn’t do much. “I’m gonna kill him.”

Taako snorted as he grabbed a garbage bag, and started to toss shit into it. “Yeah, not only is he an asshole, he’s an idiot. I’m the best thing he’s ever going to have, and he blew it on a fucking bottle-dyed redhead with no lips!” Taako tried to shove a picture frame into the bag, only succeeding in ripping it. “ _Fuck._ ”

“Are you okay?” Magnus’s voice radiated concern, and Taako sighed, slumping against the living room wall.

“Physically? I’m fine. I’m just, angry at all this, and I just ripped my last fucking garbage bag, goddamn it.” Taako closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I just- Can you come over? I need-”

“Yeah, dude, totally.” Taako could hear a distant banging sound through the phone’s speakers, which probably meant that Magnus was probably already heading over, the dork. “Hey, I gotta let you go for a second, okay? But I’m heading over right now, ETA seven minutes.”

Taako chucked, voice annoyingly thick with emotion. “Yeah, okay you giant nerd, bye.” He hung up on Magnus, tossing the phone onto the couch. He plopped down on the opposite end of the couch, elbows on his knees. “Fuck,” he muttered, before letting his head drop down into his hands.

The quiet lasted for about six and a half minutes, until Taako heard Magnus knock on the door. “Hey, buddy? Can you come open the door? I have my hands full.” Magnus’s voice was loud despite being muffled by the door, and Taako had to laugh as got up to open it.

Magnus’s hands were indeed full, one arm being taken up by several grocery bags, the other with box holding several containers of take out. Taako backed up to let him rush in, and after Magnus placed his stuff on the counter he wrapped Taako up in a gentle hug. Taako sighed and let it happen.

Magnus let him go. “So can I kill him? Cause I kind of really want to kill him.” Taako flickered a smile at him and said nothing.

“I brought stuff from Ren’s, I kind of just asked what you like and she gave me some of everything?” Magnus shrugged as he headed into the kitchen, grabbing plates and cutlery, “But it’s Ren, so anything’s gonna be good, you know? I mean,” Magnus froze, uncertain, “Your’s in the best, of course-”

“My dude, chill, there can be more than two good cooks in the world.” Taako sat back down on the couch, curled up on the other side from his phone.

Magnus sat down next to the Taako ball on the couch, and put a plate of the best gyoza on the planet on the coffee table in front of him. Taako’s stomach rumbled, and he reached forward to grab the plate, trying to stay curled up as much as possible. He wanted to die, a little, but he wanted to die after he ate the damn gyoza.

They eat the food in silence, and Taako could hear every rustle, every movement, every goddamned breath coming out of Magnus’s giant fucking lungs, and he was going crazy in the not-silence. He needed some music.

“Hey Mags, can you hand-” and Magnus had the phone in his hand, holding it out to Taako, acting for all the world like it’s a casual gesture. Taako took it. “Uh, thanks.”

He opened the lockscreen with his eyes closed, and went to hit Spotify but his hand slipped, and  _ god dammit why is messages right next to Spotify, fuck- _

The most recent message he’d sent stared up at him benignly, and Taako would not cry when Magnus is within hugging distance. He would not fucking cry, Taako thought as he stared down at the “love you” he had sent a few hours ago, and the little ‘read’ underneath.

“Oh, no, oh buddy, come here,” Magnus set their plates aside and pulled him into a hug, and Taako could feel the ugly tears going down his face, could hear the gross sobs as he clutched at his friend. “I’m so sorry,” Magnus said, and for all that Taako wanted to say that  _ he doesn’t want anyone’s fucking pity _ , he only cried harder.

* * *

 

Taako woke up, eyes sore and face red, to a clean living room.

The ripped garbage bag next to the couch had disappeared, and the rest of Sazed’s stuff had gone with it. Taako uncurled himself from the end of the couch, but didn’t get up yet. He had bawled his eyes out on his best friend, and Magnus had then taken care of everything, like he always did. For one singular moment, Taako felt a wave of gratitude and affection. Then he beat that shit back down. Feelings? Don’t know her.

He stood up, heading to the bathroom to check the damage. The bathroom was practically sparkling, and his makeup had been organized. Snorting, Taako looked up into the mirror. His face wasn’t too bad, thank god. Nothing some foundation and eyeliner couldn’t cover. He didn’t bother with it, walking back out. He could hear Magnus was humming something in the kitchen, something slow and lilting, and Taako smiled as he walked over. “Still stress cleaning, Maggie?”

Magnus didn’t jump in surprise, just turned and smiled softly. “How’re you doing, Taako?”

“Mmmm, I don’t want to talk about it.” Taako stepped past Magnus and looked into the fridge. “Now, in all of your bags, did you pack some containers? Cause cha’boy ain’t sending you home without at least some leftovers.” He grabbed butter, milk, and eggs; he was feeling cinnamon rolls tonight.

“Yeah, I did, because if I tried to take yours home again, I wouldn’t be able to come over anymore.” Magnus recited it like he was annoyed, but there was a smile on his face, so Taako let it slide.

Setting the ingredients on the counter, Taako began the search for flour. “You behemoth, you reorganize my kitchen every time you come over, do you want me to suffer?”

Magnus’s answer was cut off by the warbling tones for Freddie Mercury, singing how he wanted to break free. Taako dashed to the couch and answered the phone as quick as he could. “Hey, Lulu, what’s up?”

“Why the fuck is your boyfriend besmirching your name all over Youtube?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to stonestars for the beta!!! I'm love them

“Why the fuck is your boyfriend besmirching your name all over Youtube?”

“What?” Taako put the phone on speaker as he backed out of the call and into Youtube. Sitting in his recommended list, right at the top, was a video by ‘SazedSays’, titled “Why I’m Leaving Sizzle It Up”. Taako’s blood ran cold.

“I’m going to kill him,” Lup continued. “I’m actually going to kill this loser. Like, prepare your couch, cause I’m coming over.” There was a lot of ambient noise on her end, which meant she was somewhere with a large crowd. Taako snorted.

”How are you going to get here from the bustling streets of Manhattan, dorklord? You’re not going to be able to get a ticket on such short notice.”

”Jokes on you, you giant doofus, I’m in LAX as we speak. Do you want to pick me up, or am I calling lyft?” Taako heard a jingling noise, and looked up to see Magnus with his wallet and keys standing by the door.

”Well apparently,” Taako went to grab his shoes and makeup bag, “We’re picking you up. I’ll text you when we’re closer.”

“Okay, see you soon.” Lup hung up, and Taako walked out the door, ingredients felt forgotten on the counter.

* * *

 Lup hugged Taako for a full minute in the middle of the airport, despite the fact that there were people bustling around them constantly. She pulled back, and grabbed him by the shoulders. “Hmm,” she examined his face with a critical eye. “I like the bob, but I’m definitely not feeling the eyeliner. I pull off blue better, babe.”

“We’re twins,” Taako deadpanned, and they smiled at each other.

Lup, hands still on his shoulders, pushed him to the side so she could hug Magnus tightly. “Jesus, have you gotten even bulkier since I last saw you? You could bench press two of me!” She let Magnus go and stepped back. “Okay, I’m taking you boys out to lunch, come on!” She started walking away, and the boys both followed.

Magnus whispered to Taako out of the corner of his mouth. “Does she realize that I’m the one driving?” All he got in return was a snicker as Taako sped up to reach Lup again.

“So,” Taako said as he reached pace with his sister, “Why are you here, again? Cause the video was definitely uploaded while you were on the plane.”

Lup looked at him from the corner of her eye. “I’m here to support my brother, of course. This is a really hard thing to go through, and I wanted to offer my shoulder, if you need to cry again.” She kept her face forward as she spoke.

Taako glared at her. “Yeah, and it has nothing to do with the black eye you thought you could hide from me?” When Lup didn’t answer, he continued. “Have you taken up boxing? Did you save a nerd from a mugging? Did someone decide to just take offence at your face? Did-”

“Valeria and I broke up.” Lup’s face was carefully emotionless. “I got the black eye, she got the broken arm.” She still wasn’t looking at him. “And the apartment lease.”

Taako thought about it. “I’ve got a spare room, you know. It’s better than my couch, by far.” He didn’t look at Lup now. Neither of them were very good with each other’s emotions, any more.

They were silent the rest of the way home.

* * *

 The video starts on a man, sitting at a computer desk with his bedroom behind him. The room is dimly lit, leaving only the man for the viewers to truly see.

_“Hey guys, it’s Sazed, and um. This is going to be a bit different from my usual videos, because I’m talking about something I usually keep a pretty tight lid on - my work with Taako, over at Sizzle It Up. I’ve been Taako’s, um, silent partner for a while now, with like, filming and editing and stuff, and it’s been a really interesting experience working with someone else to create content for you guys.”_

Here, Sazed runs his hand through his hair and sighs. He looks straight at the camera, face resolute.

_“That’s what I need to talk about. As of this video, I am no longer, um, a part of the Sizzle It Up team.”_

He sighs again, putting his elbows on the desk so he can lean forward as he looks again into the camera. _“And like, honestly, I wouldn’t be angry if Taako had just talked to me about it, you know? But he straight up just told me to get out, and not come back, and it just sucks that it had to end like this, you know?”_ Sazed shakes his head and sighs. _“We’ve had some arguments before, about how we want to do things, but to just straight up call it quits because of a disagreement? I thought Taako would be more professional about it, but. I guess you never really know someone, huh.”_

Sazed looks at the camera, frustration written plainly on his face. _“And, honestly, okay, I was lying for him for so long, but I don’t even care anymore. Like, you know the Glamour Springs liveshow? We didn’t cancel that because of “scheduling conflicts”. You can’t run a show when the lead is passed out drunk in the back room,”_ he rubs at his face, obviously keyed up. _“I’m tired of having to cover for someone who won’t even put my name in the credits, you know?”_

The video cuts again, and this time Sazed is calmer. _“So, yeah. Subscribe and hit the bell to be told when I upload, and I hope to be working on some new projects soon.”_ Sazed smiles at the camera. _“See you next time, guys.”_

* * *

 Magnus and Lup decided that Taako’s not allowed to watch the video. Taako would've been more pissed off about the going-over-his-head-and-deciding-stuff, but he also didn’t want to watch the video, so. They didn’t talk about it. 

They didn’t talk about it on the way back from the airport. They didn’t talk about it when they got back to Taako’s apartment. They didn’t talk about it as Taako threw away the now-warm ingredients sitting on the counter. They didn't talk about it, up until Taako’s phone lit up with a Google alert, notifying him to a web article centered around his “rampant alcoholism and unprofessional behavior”.

“What the fuck?!” Taako looked at his phone again, then ran to his laptop on the coffee table, pulling up his youtube statistics. Over the course of the day, he had lost seven hundred thousand followers. He saw red.

“You didn’t think to tell me,” Taako said, seething, “that he was calling me a drunk? That he was throwing me under the bus for Glamour Springs?”

“Babe-”

“I’m fucking ruined, Lup. I can’t-” Taako took a deep breath. This was too many emotions at once. He needed to chill the fuck out, or he was going to have a panic attack.

“Taako.” Lup’s voice was firm, and Taako looked back at her. She looked sad for him, which Taako shouldn’t have been surprised by. And yet. “Give me your laptop. You need to make a statement, and there's no way in hell you're going to write coherently right now."

Taako handed the laptop to her and closed his eyes, focusing on breathing. He heard the clacking of his keys, and Magnus whispering to Lup, and the sound of the dishwasher running. He focused on the sounds around him, focused in on his sister’s voice. Slowly, the fog receded, and Taako opened his eyes. The storm of emotion had passed, but he was just drained.

“Hey, little bro,” Lup murmured, after a little bit. “Do you want to look over the statement, or do you just want me to post it?”

“Post it. It’s not like it’ll fix anything.”

There was a small pause. “Taako, don’t say that.”

“Well, I’m sorry, Lup, but I’ve just lost my boyfriend, my job, and my credibility as a professional. Like, I appreciate what you’re trying to do, I really do, Lulu. But I can’t come back from this. No announcement or interview is going to let me come back from this.”

Off to the side of the room, Magnus snorted. Taako glared at him. Magnus shook his head. “Sure, maybe you’re not going to be able to get all your fans back immediately. Maybe you’re not going to be able to go back to the way things were. But you’re just going to let that dick win?”

Magnus looked at him, earnest and honest. Taako wanted to punch him. He continued glaring, silent. “Look, he’s a bad actor, a bad cook, and a bad guy. He can only pretend for so long, before people figure out he’s the problem.”

Taako slowly got up off his kneeled position on the floor. “Even if you’re right, the damage is done. I can’t go back to cooking on youtube, Maggie. And with my ‘unique skills’,” Taako finger-quoted, “No one else is going to want me.” He’d meant to say hire me. _Fuck._

Finally at somewhat eye level, Taako saw Magnus check his phone, then look back up at him, the beginnings of a smile on his face. “I wouldn’t say that just yet.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized as I did this that I didnt write from taako's POV at all, but.  
> Backstory?

* * *

_One Month Before_

Lucretia Williams ended the call and rested her forehead on the desk in front of her, trying not to cry. This was the fifth agent that wouldn’t take her on. The fifth agent that read her work and found it lacking.

“It’s emotionless. My life’s work is emotionless.” Lucretia stared down at the carpeted floor. Maybe she could buy a van and move into the forest. Hermits were in, right?

Someone knocked on the jamb of the open door, but Lucretia was too drained to pick her head up off the desk and see who. “Luce?” Ah, Barry.

“Yeah, Barry?” She heard him walk further into her study, and then sit down across from her. When she slowly raised her head, he was looking at her with concern written across his face. She laid her head back down and closed her eyes.

“...Was it another editor?” Barry’s voice was pitched soft and low, like he was talking to a frightened animal, and not his roommate. Lucretia felt the tears welling up at his voice and she scrunched her eyes tight. She wasn’t going to cry. She wasn’t.

“My book is apparently a piece of garbage.”

She heard Barry shift in his seat. “Uh, sorry, Luce, I couldn’t quite hear you.”

She brought her head up, giving Barry a passionless stare. “My book. The thing that I have devoted years of my life to, is a piece of trash. I actually had someone tell me it was worse than Twilight.”

Barry winced, then continued on. “Okay, that person’s an asshole. Who told you that?”

She set her head back down, tilted so Barry could still hear her. “My agent.”

For a moment, the only noise in the room came from the beat-up radio, softly playing the local access classical music station. Then Barry took a deep breath. “Okay, come on, get up.”

She raised her head fully, looking up at him. “Why?”

He had his phone out and was texting someone, probably Merle. “We’re gonna go for a drive. Come on, put your shoes on, let’s go.”

* * *

 

Lucretia got out of the car when they reached their destination, squinting confusedly at the house they were parked in front of. “Why did we go to Magnus’s house, exactly?”

“Because, as you told me a few weekends ago, he’s big and friend-shaped and always makes you feel better when you’re down.” Closing the driver’s side door, Barry walked up the little cobblestone path leading to the front door.

Lucretia glared at him from beside the car for a moment, before she sighed and followed. “I was drunk, you can’t hold that against me, Barry.”

“Can and will,” Barry said as he knocked on the painted wood. Barely a second later, Magnus opened it, welcoming them both inside.

“Okay, so the agenda for tonight is bad movies and good pizza, I have the entire Sharknado series queued up right now.” He ushered them into the living room, making sure they were sitting comfortably on the couch before he went to fetch the food.

Lucretia smiled, and felt tears prickling at her eyes again. Nope, nope, definitely not, she refused to start crying in her good friend’s living room, especially not when he was literally walking back into the room with several containers of food.

“Okay, so we have veggie alfredo pizza in this box,” Magnus said as he set it down on the coffee table, “Hawaiian in this one, and macarons from my friend in the tupperware, please eat them, he gave me at least two dozen.”

Barry snorted as he picked up the container, opening it and holding it out for Lucretia to grab one. She did, looking at the strange dessert for a moment before she bit into it. The flavor was soft and sweet, the macaron practically melting on her tongue, and Lucretia brought a hand up to her mouth in surprise. “Hot diggity shit, that is a baller cookie,” she mumbled, and Barry snorted next to her, his mouth also full of fancy confection.

Magnus smiled, perking up a bit. “I know, right? My friend Taako makes them, he’s magic with food.” He grabbed one and ate it, humming happily at the taste. “He has a youtube channel, it’s really popular, I’m so proud of him.” He smiled, then leaned forward, focusing in on them. “Actually, that’s kind of what I wanted to talk about! So, okay, hear me out: what if you made a youtube series?”

She raised an eyebrow at him, still holding the rest of the cookie in her hand. “About what, exactly? ‘The World of Bad Writing’? ‘How not to become a published author’?” She chuckled as she grabbed for a piece of pizza, heedless of the worried look Magnus and Barry shared over her bowed head.

“Well,” Magnus said slowly, thinking carefully about his words, “What if you… made a series about your book? Like a TV show?” He paused a moment, but Lucretia just looked at him, confused and silent. “It’s a sci-fi thing, right? I can’t think of any sci-fi youtube series off the top of my head, so there’s definitely room for one!”

Barry jumped in, and goddamn it, they had been plotting this, hadn’t they. “If we started out with a video captain’s log, or something, we would only need one camera, and then we could save up for more sets and equipment.”

Magnus nodded, excited. “Yeah, like in Carmilla! That would be super cool!”

Lucretia held up her hands, silencing them both. “Whoa, whoa, pause for a second, please. I didn’t say yes!” Then she thought about it. Really, truly thought about it. “...I would have to find actors. And a set. And a camera, and lighting equipment, and costumes, and props, and God knows what else.” She stops, and puts down her hands. “That’s. That’s too much money, I can’t afford that.”

Magnus smiles softly. “Well, I have the camera and lights, and we can make the set in my garage. I know a few people that would be willing to help with costumes, and props are easy!” He stands up suddenly, walking over to his desk to grab a notebook and a pen. “This is going to be so fun, you guys.”

“Um, Magnus,” Barry adjusted his glasses, “Luce has got a point about casting, though.”

Magnus snorted as he brought his five-subject notebook to the table, setting it on the untouched box of hawaiian pizza. “Guys, I love you, but this is _California_. There’s struggling actors everywhere. That’s the easiest part.”

* * *

 

_Now_

"I'm sorry, Magnus, what did you just say? Because I am _sure_ that you did not just offer Taako, the fucking viral mess, a part in the show.” Magnus winced at the quiet vitriol in Lucretia’s voice, and thanked everything that he had walked outside before accepting Luce’s call.

“He’s not like the video makes him out to be, okay, there were-” Magnus took a moment to figure out his words. “-it’s, uh, missing a lot of context.”

 _“What fucking context can justify getting blackout drunk and missing a live performance, Magnus?”_ Lucretia’s voice rang out through the phone, and Magnus had to sit down on the concrete steps. This was not going how he’d planned at all.

“Well, I’m pretty sure Sazed lied bout that, so there’s...that,” He finished lamely. “And, um, the rest isn’t my story to tell, so.”

There’s silence, for long enough that Magnus pulls his phone away from his face to check if they’re still connected. Finally, Lucretia speaks, voice softer but not gentler. “I’m going to give him one - _one_ \- chance. “Because I trust you, and you apparently trust him.”

”Thank you, Luce. You won’t regret this, I promise.”

“I-” “Lucretia took a breath, then rethought what she was going to say. “Bye, Magnus.”

“Bye, Luce.” The phone call ended with a little blip in his ear, and Magnus sighed, letting his head fall back to rest against the wall of the apartment building.

Well, that sounded like a fun phone call.” Taako said, and Magnus jumped. He turned, and Taako was leaning against one of the concrete pillars, not doing a good job of playing casual, while Lup crossed her arms a few feet behind him, visibly tense. “Will she allow me to plead my case?”

Magnus set his head back against the wall. “Yeah, she will. I’m, uh, kind of surprised you still want to do it after listening to that conversation, if I’m being honest.”

“Well,” Taako said, not moving from his faux comfortable slouch against the pillar, “One, I only heard half of that conversation, and two, I don’t have a lot of other options right now. Or any other options. Ever.” He straightened up and started heading back inside, and Magnus could barely hear him when he said “I’m taking what I can get.”

Lup waited until Taako had cleared the glass doors, then walked over to Magnus. “I get she’s your friend and all, but if she makes this any worse for Taako, I will actually kick her ass. Got it?” The grin she gave him was more like a baring of teeth than anything else, and Magnus nodded vigorously in response.

“No, yeah, completely understandable.”

Lup nodded decisively and turned on her heel, striding after her brother.

Magnus sat out there for a little bit longer, and looked the darkening sky.

“Fuck.”


End file.
